Broke at 32.

I need advice please. I am a former Dental Assistant that now works at Amazon full-time overnight. I am a seasonal employee there. The reason I switched jobs was because I was planning on studying for my real estate license and pursue real estate. After much thought about why I am broke, it's because I don't have friends to go out with or talk to. I tried in the past and they either gave me traumatic experiences and let me down. Or they moved to a different state or they got married and settled down in life. I am a pretty sad person from the inside. I spend my money on food, trips and things I can't afford for instant gratification and happiness. I spend above my means to make everyone happy around me. This also resulted due to my dad not being able to afford things we needed when I was younger. I want to end my life. I only have 30k in the bank. My mom works and helps with the rent and utilities. I don't know how I'll make that money that I lost back fast. I want to do it with real estate, but that's not guaranteed. I know real estate is the perfect career path for me. It will help me build relationships with people, make money quickly, be my own boss, experience new things in life, etc. I just don't know how to forgive myself and look past the damage I've created to myself. I lost so much money. My spending habits made me realize how sick and lonely I am. My mom is 60 yrs old and I don't know how long she'll be able to help me financially. I'm scared. Please this is not a funny matter. The reason why I never moved out is because in my culture the woman doesn't move out unless married. Please help me. I would appreciate it. Thank you for your time.