Im so sick of being weak

Okay, lets start from the beginning. I’m 23 and all my life I have always been looked down by everyone, i’ve been backstabbed and used. I had a good childhood and was loved by both my parents, but outside home people usually tended to see me as discartable. As a result, I wasn’t the best at making friends and the ones that I got usually used me or looked down on my being (too formal, too calm).

The last two years have been difficult, i felt horrible due to the pandemic and what it took from my family, also because during that time I started to look for ways to apease the pain and ended up being SA’d which had me thinking about ending my own life. Then, to know the friends you though cared about you just ghost you and are talking crap behind your ears (you get the idea).

I am just so angry and sick of being weak. So I would like to ask you people for advice in order to get stronger, physically and mentally.