I lack the features to be feminine

Don't get me started on the femininity is a mentality bs. It applies to literally everyone except me. I don't have that mentality, nor those features. I look super plain. I don't have pretty eyes. I don't have striking features. I don't have nice pair of tits. I don't have a feminine face shape. I lack femininity in my body. I look like a little boy. My voice is unattractive. All my life I wanted to become that ideal feminine, soft girl with slender arms and nice boobs. I strived for a skinny small face and head, therefore I felt that misery through my bones ever since I realized I was born with a big ass head with ugly small features on it, plus with no tits and an ugly unattractive boyish frame. I despise everything about me and I lack femininity. I hate this misery. Why can't I be that soft spoken feminine looking women???? My sister and my mom is (especially my mom) exactly that ideal type of women. Why do I lack those genetics??? Oh big belly, saggy tits, no jawline... I DONT CARE!? I want that. I want big tits and a soft jawline. I want pretty eyes. I want that I newd that I want a small face