Desiring marriage and trusting God

Hello everyone, I am asking this because I feel a bit confused. I have been praying to meet my future spouse for so long and it just isn't happening. This past week, I did a novena to both St. Valentine and St. Raphael, asking for them to pray that I meet my spouse and that we are both ready for each other. I have been praying for so long that it sometimes hurts to want that and not see any end of single hood in sight. I haven't been asked out in ages and I'm getting older. My 33rd birthday is coming up.

Finally, today before Mass, I was praying to God and said, "I don't think I'm going to pray for this anymore, God. It hurts too much and I don't feel like it's in Your will."

I felt very calm about it all and I continued to pray, "If you want me to be single and chaste all my life, then I will happily do it. I I just want to please you." I had been feeling like it's completely okay for me to be alone all my life, as long as God supports me.

Then I saw a man I kind of know during the collection and I thought, "If I were to marry, that is exactly the kind of man I would want as my husband." (ie involved in the parish, confident, well dressed) And don't get me wrong-- I know this man is married. It's not me having a crush on a married man, it was me admiring him as someone to aspire to. If that makes sense?

Right after I thought that, I received again a deep longing for a husband, only this time it was even deeper and with less pain and bitterness. I'm not sure of what to do, as I really do not want to keep desiring something that will not happen. Has anyone experienced this? Should I keep praying? Because honestly I feel like giving up.