Hes been using me for 12 years

Hi,

Alright, lets try this forum as my "last resort".

Hes been leeching off of me, Ive had his kids, he has his desires met every second day, he degrades me DAILY multiple times, accuses me of shit and cheating.

Ofc there are nice days in between but we have bad fights every second week Id say. Cycle of abuse I guess.

Im HONESTLY good to him. Huge empath. Perfectionist who loves to cook and clean neatly.

I found a msg on his phone. He wrote a hooker... For 8 days I saw this idiot have zero accountability. I was ready to forgive and forget if he would just mention therapy himself but he wouldnt. It was my fault, my fault, my fault and hey my brother is an actual cheater if Id like to point anyone out, he said.

At this point... after 8 days of him wanting to patch up to have sex and not respecting the hurt he caused.. and now him bringing my brother into it. I hadddd enoughhhh.. Beat the crap out of him. Punched his head thrice, punched him in the belly, tried to grab his phone to break it. He ran to the windows of the house to be visible for neighbours. Asked him to come back into the bedroom. He didnt dare. Instead he finally found his calm voice and tried to make me relax.

I asked ChatGPT why an abuser would finally calm down instead of fighting me back. It said that hes confused and trying to reclaim the power by doing so.

This is the second time I beat up him. Hes somehow traumatised right now. But in a few days hell be back to asking for sex as his no one priority in life. And if I decline hell throw a tantrum worse than a 3 year old. And then hell swift between abusing and lovebombing me throughout the day to have his way.

But this cant go on. This cant be the only way to make him calm the fuck down.

What do you advice me to do tomorrow morning?

Im spending the night in his bed and asked HIM to sleep on the floor next to the kids... Which hes never done. He has the good bed for himself for his back. And I sleep on the floor in the kids room to have peace. But not tonight. And surprisingly he agreed?? The person who NEVER backs down from whats mose convenient for him.

I know sane people would say LEAVE. But Im so sick and tired of the years Ive been misused. I want something in return now. Economically, socially, house chores, whatever I can get to make me satisfied now and ease my anger. There is SO much more hes done to me. So so so much more.