Women's Opinion Please
My wife is pissed at me and I just don't get it. I've been sick the past few days and I've been having trouble sleeping.
Side note: Usually I sleep on the couch a few nights a week bc I snore and my wife can't sleep. If It's the night before one of the two days she works, I always sleep on the couch bc I know she needs her sleep.
Because I was sick, I told her I was sleeping in bed last night. I was working the next day and she was not, so it seemed reasonable. She still decided to sleep in bed.
She ended up going down to the couch in the middle of the night bc I was tossing and turning and moaning (I was having body aches and high fever and up every 20 mins).
When I went downstairs in the morning, I saw she was still sleeping in the living room. I work from home and I was feeling horrible so I wanted nothing more than to go down to the basement, boot up my laptop and bring it back to bed. But I felt bad for her bc I know she hates the couch, so I unlocked my dog's create and got his food and water so she wouldn't have to.
He's a lazy sack of shit, so he doesn't usually get out for up to 30 minutes to go pee. I figured I'd go down and grab my laptop and bring it back up. But, I see i have an email that's urgent so I start responding. In the meantime my dog gets up and rings the bell to go out (yes he's lazy but also a gentleman).
My wife gets up and lets him out as I continue typing. When I go up and ask her how's shes doing, she's pissed and responds accordingly.
Now I'm pissed that she has the nerve to be pissed while I'm sick and working and she's neither. I say forget this and go downstairs and work while slowly dying.
We finally just talked about it and her claim is that she was forced to sleep on the couch, was up all night, I came downstairs banging the dogs food bowl around, and then left her to let him out.
Now, I can see from her perspective that it could come off that way. But I sleep on the couch for her comfort half the time, I got the dogs food so she wouldn't have to, and I planned on letting him out but a work item came up. How could she be mad if that was my intent?
She said intent doesn't matter, that's not what happened.
That seems SO strange to me. If she told me that I would recognize that my perception wasn't exactly what happened and I'd take her intent (and circumstances) into account. My feelings of upset would then drift away.
She's doubling down on me being a jerk. What I'd like to know ladies, is do you agree with this? Do you not take intent into account and adjust your feelings accordingly? Is this just a male/female difference that I don't comprehend?
Please, set me straight.
Edit A lot of mentions to sleep apnea/CPAP so i figured I'd mention:
- Yes, I have been diagnosed with mild sleep apnea.
- Yes, I have a CPAP
- My wife is bothered by the CPAP machine just as much as my snoring. I call her "The Princess and the Pea." She was an only child with parents devoted to her comfort. Whereas I shared a small room with my two brothers my whole childhood with the same shitty twin mattress from age 8-22. So I can sleep on a bed of nails strapped to the wing of an airplane. Unless I'm really sick.