Feeling lost

Need help

I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I’m going through the hardest time of my life, with no relief in sight. I’ve posted here before, so you know that I suffer from anxiety and depersonalization, but right now, the worst part is something related to Islam. I don’t know if I should call it doubt or something else, but it has been going on for at least two years.

My biggest fear is that I will die as a disbeliever and end up in Hell forever. I know that Islam is the truth, but it feels like my heart is locked. I have asked Allah for signs, and over the years, I have received them. Many times, I’ve randomly opened the Quran and come across verses that felt like direct answers.

Once, I got this verse:

“O men! If you are in doubt as to the [truth of] resurrection, [remember that,] verily, We have created [every one of] you out of dust, then out of a drop of sperm, then out of a germ-cell, then out of an embryonic lump complete [in itself] and yet incomplete so that We might make [your origin] clear unto you.”

Not long ago, I was thinking about how everything began—this world and everything in it. I opened the Quran again, and this verse came up:

“Say, [O Muhammad], ‘Travel through the land and observe how He began creation. Then Allah will produce the final creation. Indeed, Allah, over all things, is competent.’”

Would you take these as signs from Allah? This happened just a week ago, and at that moment, I felt my faith at 100%. But yesterday, I started overthinking again, and now I feel nothing.