**LONG BUT VERY IMPORTANT POST*\*

There's been alot of discussion going on in the past few days between who has it worse among the genders and how both parties apparently have it too well. I think the core takeaway is that we are lacking the patience and empathy to recognize what others are going through.

I believe the views below are an objectively good starting point in helping both genders understand each others grievances and how they don't have as much 'privileges' as the other party imagines.

For the Men

1. I think we can start by recognizing that ON AVERAGE we have it alot better than the women in most things. This is how it has been for hundreds of years and will likely persist for the upcoming few decades atleast in our society.
2. The moment they are born, women have a lot more constraints in terms of what they can and can't do. Something as simple as going out at night or even being friends with the opposite gender can have horrible consequences. It's very common for brothers and sisters to have a different set of rules apply to them simply because of their gender.
3. I saw a post about a brother complaining how finding companionship is so easy for women and how they can get hundreds of matches when they're looking to date. And here's how you might be mistaking this as a privilege, women don't need access to hundreds of men even if they can get it, they are only only looking for one good man (who is unfortunately hard to find).
4. It's also complete misconception to say that in the middle class women have the same opportunities as men, most of them will not be given the opportunity to reach their educational goals and their right to work will be suppressed either by their own families or their in-laws.
5. Their lives after marriage aren't as flowery as you might imagine, the prospect of needing to completely change yourself to another family's norms and live by their rules is very difficult to grasp. Similarly, most will not get any appreciation for they do. I can also anecdotally say that in 90% of the cases of partner abuse, women are the primary targets.
6. Raising children and taking care of the house is a lifelong commitment with no breaks. Unfortunately, most men in our society have a completely hands-off approach when it comes to managing the house or helping with (their own) children.

For the Women

1. Saying that men only have one duty in life is a very reductive view of their contribution to a society, especially in todays times where financial constraints are ruining lives. Similar to how women are prized for their appearances, men are only valued based on their financial output. This is a view that's evident in all interactions whether it's with their spouse (or romantic partners), families, peers and even strangers.
2. Most men are not enjoying the privileges that you imagine they are. They do not get to make every single decision in their lives and are influenced by society and their families to fit a certain image regardless of whether its in line with their true nature.
3. Most men are absolutely invisible to women. Most women will only consider somoene who's more educated, well off or in a higher social standing than themselves. Now, should men be coddled and entitled to your affection just because this is the case? Absolutely not. But its important to recognize that this creates a very hostile/insecure environment for young men where they are constantly being bombarded with the idea that they have 0 value or are unloveable potentially due to no fault of their own.
4. Men are not allowed to emotionally express themselves in today's society. It is very easy for others to say that men should open up more or appear more emotionally vulnerable. However the reason that you barely see this behavior is because most men know/feel that that their vulnerability will be seen as a sign of weakness or a lacking character. There is no space for them to grieve or discuss their problems. When they do their often compared with the 1% of men who are having rosy lives and their concerns are not valid (case in point). They simply told to 'man up' and lack a social support system. And this partially why men are 4x more likely to commit suicide.
5. Arranged marriages is seen as a quick and easy win for men. However, it's just as grueling and demeaning for men as it is for women. They are judged for their appearance, social standing and family's wealth. All of these are factors that they have zero control over. The simple truth is that most men will not fit the benchmark that girls or their families have in mind and these expectations are only increasing.
6. It's also important to note that the role of women in our society is is changing (atleast in the more educated segments). Education and opportunities are allowing women to choose between being a working woman or a homemaker in a marriage setup. But a man's role has not seen any evolution nor will they ever get any alternative. And so many of them feel frustrated that while objectively society is progressing, they continue to be seen and judged in a very stereotypical light. Those who do not comply are marginalized and considered to be 'lesser men'.

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The first step to fixing any problem is understanding that there might be some truth to narratives which we consider as 'opposing'. This is not a competition of victimization, instead should be seen as an opportunity where we can work together in order to collectively make our lives better.