fml on this

keeps getting deleted and at this point im gonna delete myself.

A really good thing in my life ended and someone i really wanted in my life had to leave, for each other's sake. My heart hurts everyday and i can barely eat anymore. I genuinely had nightmares about this during the first few days and it was so bad I've never prayed so hard in my life before. I'm genuinely at my breaking point of losing all dignity and begging for him to come back. I'm trying so hard, but i feel like I'm going to lose this battle.Within one day everything changed, how could i move on so easily. We met in school, and now school's ended but im going back. I don't think i can go back without sobbing my eyes out because everything reminds me of him. He became such a big part of my life just to leave.

My mum scolded me for days because i cry everyday and can't do anything. I don't even have the will to wake up or anything. I'm begging God to just help me, get me through this suffering. I don't know of this pain is one sided, but everyday it becomes worse. I just want it all to end. I just want to leave this all and die. Lord, Please help me i can't handle this anymore.

I gave him my whole heart, unknowingly allowing my walls i once built to crumble, and in the end i got hurt significantly. All i hope is God helps me through this.

My mum told me he just wasn't it. He had his own issues that he should have sorted with a therapist or something. I can't sleep in peace anymore because i genuinely see him in my sleep, and it's like im the only one suffering and i hate it. It's so stupid. I would beg for him back if i could. I just want him back. I'm begging i miss him so much

edit(22nov24): thank you so much for everyone who has reached out and commented. i called for a counsellor to step in due to harmful thoughts and started reading the bible to be closer to God. recently I've been better too and decided to leave it to God. if we meet again, we meet. if not, its all in God's plan.