I can't stop reading my stepdaughters diary

She killed herself a few months ago, it was me who found her.

Her parents (my soon to be ex) husband and her mom got rid of most of her things but i asked to keep a few, between those, her diary.

She did not left a letter but left her diary and i can't stop reading it. She felt guilty because it was most likely going to be me who found her. She talks about how she felt she had no other choice than to kill herself, how it never seemed to get better. About not adapting to living in a new country and issues with friends and school that i had no idea about. About a few situations with some boys...

I've known her since she was a child, althought i became her stepmother later in life. I saw her grow up.

I can't stop feeling guilty, had i known anything i could have done something. I should have done something. We got along really well and she was my only real friend when we moved to the US. I should have done something. I should have noticed.

Whenever i read everything i just feel so guilty, whenever i see the stuff of hers i got to keep i cant help but think i should have protected her. And i feel guilty reading it because its her private stuff but at the same time i cant stop. All the time i wonder if i could have saved her, if only she had had someone on her side...

I still have nightmares about finding her and i miss her. She was a great stepdaughter and she had such a bright future ahead, i wish she had been able to see it.

I wish she was here. She is missing so many fun stuff. She would have loved the kdrama i saw last week and she would have been so happy about the movie of her favorite group. We would have had cake for my birthday. So many small things, sometimes i just randomly think "Suji, you're so silly, look at what you're missing." I just feel so guilty and i miss her. I wish i had done more, known more, i dont know.