Lost in the Noise: A Life Without Meaning, Fading Into Nothing

I used to be a straight-A student, someone who cared about everything: school, family and friends, my future. Now, it’s all a blur. I’m stuck in a cycle where nothing matters. I went to my teacher and counselor about my depression, but nothing’s changed. It’s like this heavy weight on my chest, and I can’t shake it off. I used to love learning, but now every assignment feels pointless. I used to be proud of my grades, but now I purposely get bad grades, like I’m sabotaging myself just to feel something other than this numbness. The worst part is, I don’t even know why I do it. I don’t even know how I got here.

I look around, and I see everyone else living their lives like nothing’s wrong. I feel so disconnected from them. I feel like a ghost, just walking through the days without really existing. I’m tired of pretending like everything’s okay. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel the way I used to again, but I’m just so tired of trying to keep up this facade.

I look in the mirror and feel worthless, society’s standards are so high, and I feel like I’m just invisible. I’ve been bullied online for how I look both online and irl, and it’s crushing. I don’t even know why I keep going on the internet for male validation when it's them who put me down MOST of the time. Lots of females do it, too. It feels like the world’s just not built for people like me.

I don’t know how to escape this feeling. Does anyone else feel this way, like you’re just stuck, numb, and hopeless? I just want to be.