First ever class-chubbuck method.. feel lost and confused. Would really appreciate help🫠❤️

Hi guys, I'm 20F. Apologize in advance for long post.. I appreciate so so much anyone reading this. So I started my first course a month and a half ago, the course is following the Chubbuck method. It's a small studio with two teachers, the one teaching my class is also a writer and director. I'm struggling to find myself in this class as am completely new to acting, it's my first class. I heard great things about this place and teacher, he works with lots of working actors and is successful, respected and confident in his teachings. I found out about this place after dming a local actress who made it to Hollywood and asked her where she learned acting. I didn't know much about acting methods/specifically this method outside of internet surfing but I read about it and thought it sounded interesting.

I just feel a bit lost now, I can't find myself in class and I fear perhaps this method isn't for me. I think the analyzing and breaking down of scripts and characters is interesting and helpful but some techniques leaves me feeling mentally bad and exhausted. I want my acting to be real, to deeply analyze and connect myself but this actually made me feel the opposite of what I expected and was told.

For example, two techniques that were taught and made me feel this way- Substitutions and inner objects. I felt like it distracted me from being present in the story and character I'm playing instead of connecting to it. The teacher really wanted us the relieve traumas, imagining our partner as the person from our trauma and picturing the scene as the traumatic situation we experienced. He talks a lot about "manipulating" ourselves to feel something and relieve a feeling we felt once. One student cried relieving her trauma. I didn't like it at all honestly and I don't see how her crying made her acting better.. or how is this even acting? I don't believe acting should be absolute pretense but also here it's basically just manipulating urself to re expirience something leaving u not acting, but actually experiencing it, using ur memory and imagination. Idk is it just me? I would love to hear ur opinion and view🙏🏻

Even tho the teacher talked seriously about mental health and therapy and the importance of it as actors.. it felt contradicting to the actual teachings. And interestingly, everytime I performed, after the teacher gave notes and I tried applying them.. I was told that I actually acted less good afterwards as I appeared "less connected". I want to be an actress, I don't want to pretend, I do want to find my truth and connect to the story but.. I want to act the story. The story of my character and the script. This is why I want to be an actress, because I have passion for stories.

I felt uncomfortable sitting there tbh, listening to other students describing their past traumas in details. The teacher himself also sharing stuff from his personal life. I also find it so hard to out of nowhere have to get into the zone and character and perform and act.. after I just sat for sometimes 3 hours watching others perform and the teacher teaching. It's all super rushed because there's many students. Each student only get few mins attention and is constantly interrupted, I know that's how it is, as an actor u constantly get comments but like for example the teacher interrupts and then give a sudden writing practice for the whole class which takes mins out of the very few mins we get anyway. Then I suddenly have to quickly get into zone again and perform only to get stopped seconds after. Is this supposed to be like that? And it's like that everytime.

I know classes r busy and there's lots of students and I have no idea how this world works and am figuring it out so I'm genuinely asking, how can I adapt myself to learn this way? I also feel soo disconnected from my body. I don't know how to work with my voice and I don't have enough time to connect to my body and surroundings and space as we mostly sit and it's all so rushed. I honestly expected acting classes to also include improv, voice practice, group games, physical activities.. Going straight into performing is really hard and stressful and I feel so lost.

Is anyone here familiar with the cubbuck method? From my understanding it is build on theories from meisner and stanislavski. I would love to hear your opinions and would really appreciate any advices and pieces of knowledge🙏🏻