Why are changed plans so hard?

My husband is military and his job makes me feel so stupid. We are suppose to do a pot luck today and I was glad because my hubby bought everything to make hot chicken sandwiches. So all I had to do was throw it together

I get a text at 4 am instead of having tomorrow off like planned he’s going to have half off today half off tomorrow. Which is actually less time than if he had a whole day off. Then he says he would like me to come to the potluck and we can eat with everybody and then go home. 🫠 I literally was going to have the day to myself afterwards because pot lucks are a lot of socializing and having to say the right things bullshit. Which I don’t hate I just get tried afterwards.

Then he calls me 10:30 and says he just has tomorrow off after I made changes to our plans so we could do our plans today after socializing and I just started crying and I just feel so overwhelmed. He says I don’t have to come to the potluck it seems to be upsetting me. But that’s not why I’m upset and I’m just at shut down point where I can’t communicate that all the changes are bothering that I feel like we can’t go back to do what we tomorrow because now I’m skipping the potluck. Top it off I had to let them know that the plans to have my church come cook for them wasn’t happening and I did that today too.

I’m not professionally diagnosed but it seems people think I’m upset at them or at the new plans when really I’m upset that there are constant changes and I can’t get my bearings on what I’m suppose to be doing. Idk if that’s a thing but it makes me feel crazy because now I’m suppose to just go about my day acting like this stuff didn’t just throw me off completely. But now I have guilt for not going to the potluck and guilt about being upset, and guilt that idk why my brain sees changes as backing up a huge ass train back down the tracks to get back to square one and I’m now just going backwards.

Top it off there are guys cleaning our roof that maintenance did not tell us was coming. So my dogs are barking more which just makes daily task like taking them out harder.

Idk how to tell my husband all the changes are what’s bothering me. He said to me the other day that he feels like I don’t like it when he comes home. Which isn’t wrong, it can be any hour after 7 and not guaranteed so it is overwhelming when all that happens late before bed. Sometimes he falls asleep in his car, and sometimes he comes in grumpy and idk how to gauge myself with everything going on in that moment.

And idk what to do now. I’m just tried and it’s only 11 am.