Night Stalker Roommate and other things

I (30F) had a roommate not too long ago this year, from February up until about August. He thankfully doesn't live with me anymore. I'll name my roommate Ryan. I still am paranoid 4 months later that he might show up, but I highly doubt he will.

Ryan was my most dear friend for years. Unfortunately, I did not know that he had some sexual tensions towards me and my partner. I've been with my partner for 10 years. Ryan had gotten ahold of some ecstasy, and I gave him permission to experience it for the first time at our house rather than out at a bar, which was his original plan but I just felt that that was unsafe.

During that time that he was on ecstasy that night, me and my partner stayed up with him and we had what I thought was a great time, full of love and friendship. Me and my partner were sober, so that we could properly be present for Ryan. I'd also like to mention the fact that Ryan had some very clear emotional problems, some deeply repressed issues, and we were excited for him to be able to open himself up and feel his emotions.

The night that Ryan took ecstasy was unfortunately the turning point of our friendship and him being our roommate. The immediate day after, he, what seem to be accidental, admitted to me that he wished to have sexual relations with me and my partner, and that he wished we were a throuple.

He left the house very soon after he told me that and went to work. I was stuck all day thinking about what he said, shocked. I told my partner what Ryan had told me, and he didn't seem surprised like I was, apparently he had already had his suspicions but didn't blame Ryan for his desires, and wasn't worried as long as he never tried to act on them. That's understandable I suppose. Over the years me and my partner have been requested into swinger events many times and we've always respectfully declined and never got any kind of lash back awkwardness about our rejections.

Anyway, there was a two week period after Ryan did the Ecstasy where I started noticing some things. The first thing I noticed was that he could barely make eye contact with either of us. He also started doing cocaine everyday and lying about it. I confronted him about the cocaine and how I would like it not in my house, he agreed but continued to do so.

We had a lot of patience for Ryan, and really what it boils down to is we had been being gas lit for our entire relationship by Ryan. That's a whole another issue that's hard to explain, but to continue with my story, one night around 3:00 a.m. as I was laying in bed, I woke up and I opened my eyes, it was pitch dark except for a tiny light coming in through the hallway, and all I see is Ryan standing in the middle of our room staring at me and my partner. I was honestly too shooken up and frightened to move or say anything that would alert him that I knew he was standing there.

He started pacing around just watching a sleep and eventually walked out of our room. My partner had no idea that this was happening because he was asleep. It was at that moment that I realized that I was horrified of Ryan, and I just didn't really know what to say or how to say anything to him after that. He continued to act a little chaotic and he was also acting as someone would if they have feelings towards somebody and they just can't say anything about it. He started to act like we were actually a throuple and it just got very bizarre.

It's hard to go into all the details of what happened, but there were many other creepy incidents, all of which led to me eventually packing up his stuff and telling him to leave. Before that moment of me telling him to leave, we had taken him to the hospital several times that last week, because he was having some kind of psychotic break or what I believe to be some kind of overdose of a drug that he wasn't being completely honest about.

I'm just relieved that he's gone and always will be. It broke my heart that it turned out to be this way. He was such a dear friend of mine, me and him acted as siblings do, in my mind anyway. We did everything together, we would go hiking and shopping and run errands and just generally have an all-around good time in each other's presence. But, after all of that, I'm just left with the feeling of a looming paranoia that he might show up or be in my room.