rant about my mental health(give me some advice please) thank you

Hello i am from ph and im 16 yo. these past few years ive been struggling with my mental health. i feel like i am always inferior to others. even with my siblings(sometimes). it feels like there's a rope pulling me to socialize. forcing my self to show my prescence to other became my coping mechanism. i am very self aware of what i am thinking. i dont know why, My mind always unconciously compare myself to others, even to those i dont even know. i envy others because of their social life. When i meet new people, the first thing that comes to my mind is how long will it take for them to be disappointed by me or look down on me. my problem is, i romanticized things that makes me feel good about myself that sets my expectations too high which ends up disappointing me after that.

last month, i just went through a breakup(first rs) the things i did just for her to stay are unimaginable, its not just a normal rs, it was a romantic and intimate one. at first i didn't expect that we would have s*x, going back. there wasn't a day that i didn't cry up to this time. I begged for her so many times because when we are still with each other, i feel like my social anxiety and negative thinking disappeared. im the one whose at fault i think because i feel like i just used her to heal what im through yet. now that shes gone, everything cameback where it used to. i already accepted it tho that everything cameback. at first, i felt hopeless and depressed. it messed up my sleep, there wasn't a day that i slept more than 4 hours because of this for 1 month straight

last year, Ive made my first attempt(which i never did again because im not brave enough) but these past few weeks, im having some suicidal idealization.

I already told my parents to see a therapist because i really really want to help myself so bad right now

(I HATE MY PERSONALITY AND I AM SO VERY SELF AWARE)