Disclosing ADHD to potential romantic partner

I am one of these people who discovered late in life that I have ADHD. (I’m a male, 58). I never considered the possibility I had it, because in our youth it was called ADD and it was just those off-the-rails hyperactive kids, and I was never that. I’ve always been mellow and well-behaved. (I can be naughty when the time calls for it!)

I knew something was wrong my whole adult life, and I literally thought I had mild brain damage from a concussion I received as a kid, or that I had mild dyslexia. Then last June, I was listening to a podcast and realized ALL my symptoms were the same as the speaker who was describing his ADHD. Lightbulb moment!

I saw a real psychiatrist and went through the tests and it was confirmed.

I realize now that all my life’s decisions were coping mechanisms for my ADD. Before the diagnosis, I thought I was a “maverick” who couldn’t be cooped up in an office, when in truth I usually got fired for disorganization. I come from a white-collar background, went to a very good college, and my path has been very unusual from my peers and a disappointment to my parents.

I managed to make a financially-successful life for myself by investments in real estate, Amazon in ‘99, and bitcoin. These were not gambles but things I analyzed deeply. I am VERY good at spotting trends, analyses, and having a unique point of view—which may be the corny way of saying ADHD has been my superpower blah blah blah.

Anyhow, I’m single again and dating. The preamble/background is necessary because on these dates, at my age, I feel the obvious and legitimate pressure to explain the arc of my life and why I don’t have a normal career, but am financially-independent. I don’t want to start out by lying.

I think it’s important that a potential partner know at some point early on (there is someONE —I do want an LTR). Like, why I start the day with a clean apartment and by the end it is a war zone, and then I clean up. I can’t keep things in place while working and I’m always spinning around looking for things. I want a job for fun, but it has to be something where I am moving, and not commensurate with my education, etc.

I still feel that bias, that ADHD is like when you hear people say alcoholism is a disease and you’re like “yeah yeah disease, right… you’re just a drunk.” (Not my belief.). Like people think you are just making an excuse for being a slob, under achieving, or lazy and there’s no real medical/psychological validity to it. I don’t want to use it as an excuse and will do my very best to create strategies to be a good partner. But sometimes, it’s like asking a dyslexic not to jumble their letters when they are reading.

Anyhow, at one point should I make the admission to a potential significant other, if at all? I’m not on meds. Tried them all and felt physically terrible, and there’s not a compelling reason for me to be on them at this point.

My good traits: very romantic, thoughtful, generous, funny, kind, devoted father of one, macho when I need to be. (Former captain of my high school football and baseball teams. ). I include that to say there are upsides to dating me! Thanks.