Sometimes I wish I'd never been born

I resent my parents for selfishly giving birth to me. I wish I could have avoided all of this by simply not existing. I see no purpose or meaning in living life; meaning and purpose are just distractions to keep people from seeing the real truth of life. I have no desire to go to school, have friends (online or irl idc), think about what will happen once I turn 18, or raise a family. I have never had any attractions toward males since I was 12. I simply don't care. Every day, I hope I just don't wake up from sleeping, but every day I do, and I hate it! I want my life to end so badly, but my natural fear of death and pain keeps me from doing it myself. I grew up with a decent childhood, and most people looking in would say I have a good life, but that’s not even close to the truth. I wish I could see things differently, but no matter how hard I try, I can't. I swear if someone thinks of saying "You're just a teenager."