Yeshiva next year? BUT I DON'T BELIEVE!!!!

I am currently 18, Live in Israel, and in 12th grade. For years now I have doubted many of the things that have been told to me during my upbringing (Orthodox).

I finally came to the realization that I just don't believe in any of it at all. The issue is that I live in a highly religious community, and when I tell others about my skepticism, they try to pin it on childhood trauma (BECAUSE HOW CAN SOMEONE POSSIBLY NOT BELIEVE?).

Next year, after high school, I have the option to go straight to the IDF, or to Yeshiva. I am a smart guy, very into math and physics, and people around me think that because I'm so smart - I should go to yeshiva. When I tell them I don't believe they try to claim "You should go to yeshiva, that way you'll come back to belief, get answers to some of your questions".

They just don't understand that a year of "learning" would be a waste to me, and a goddamn awful time.

I am afraid to discuss matters like these with my parents. When my dad found out my sister was not abiding by the laws of the Sabbath, he yelled at her (and of course treated her differently). It was a very traumatizing event for me.

I still wear a Yarmulkah, still do everything because I don't want to kill my parents.