I hate being Chabad

I saw there were some posts about Chabad recently so I thought I'd chime in.

Chabad has some of the best PR in the history of cults and even nonreligious Jews see them as the nice people who build Jewish community centers all over the world and are more 'open' to the world than other ultraorthodox.

My parents were some of the people who decided to open a Chabad house in "the middle of nowhere" - a place with no orthodox community. My schooling was done almost exclusively online, my parents refused to sign me up to any "goyishe" programs so I never got to play sports or anything like that, and I couldn't even walk outside on my own because it's a dangerous area. It was a very lonely childhood mostly spent with my house's four walls, my little siblings, my always-busy parents and my computer (I did go to Chabad summer camps and the like sometimes)

Then soon after I turned 14 I was thrown straight to a Chabad Yeshiva - 9.5 hours of mandatory Torah learning plus 1.5 hours of prayer per day, and the very little free time you have is also encouraged to be used on Chabad stuff - Whether it's getting random Jews to put on Tefilin, preaching Chabad's teachings in shuls or extra learning. I could opt out of these things but it would cost me the little social status that I have. Also I'm in a dorm which means very little privacy.

I had to switch Yeshivas after a year because of intense bullying that I could probably handle better if I came to Yeshiva with proper social skills. Nowadays it's better but not by much. My educational skills are also lacking, though this is the norm around here. My math knowledge is around 5th grade, my English is only good because I spent way too much time on social media, and I was shocked to discover that despite what Chabad teaches, the earth is not the center of the universe (I could probably write a whole book on the scientific disinformations I was taught)

I don't believe in God anymore and I don't want devite my life to Chabad. I have a few hobbies and dreams but I haven't been able to do anything with them for a while.

So yes, I have internet access and I wear t-shirts sometimes, or other superficial stuff like that. But I'm still a miserable 20 year old guy with no future other than what the cult assigned for me. Yes, I know I can try to get a GED and blah blah blah but I'm in a terrible environment right now. It's like this system is designed to drain any independent energy I have, and it worked. Thanks for reading I guess.