First Things

Is there any info from Ra on HOW infinity became aware? It just kind of states that it did. I grapple with trying to become aware of the first things; the motivation of God; "the first thing was a thought" - how did that come to be?; and why?

I'm asking in ontological/teleological terms - reality is it's still all current, not some past event.

As best as possible - please attempt a purely top-down delineation: reading about how things are intermediaries between 'us' and what is above 'us' doesn't logically make sense when 'we' weren't existent yet...so to speak.

(And I welcome replies telling me about how I'm confusing things, or in what ways I'm way off the mark.) :)