How do you make friends in London in your 30s?
And yes, I have tried everything that comes to mind as a first answer.

I don't mean interacting with random people, I don't mean shallow friends or those that you see every now and then, I'm talking about real friends that are part of your inner circle.

Background

I have been living in London for about 6 years, and made tons of friends at the beginning. I made friends at work and my partner did the same, and we merged our two groups and hanged out with lots of people. We both are very sociable and are used to seek social interaction.

During the pandemic the majority of these friends returned to their home countries abroad. I have a sibling settled here, and often we hang out. I have a few former colleagues that I catch up every now and then, and a friend that we see regularly.

However it seems not enough, because it's not a solid or tight social network. I am looking for more than an acquaintance or a friend that I see once a month. I have made a very deep friend here in the past, but they moved to another country (we still talk to each other several times a week).

I have moved several times in the past (cities and countries), and this is not the first time I'm making friends from scratch. This time around something is not clicking though.

What I've tried

• Gym: my building has a gym and I've gone regularly for almost a year. Tried speaking with a few people but other than just superficial interaction or yes/no answers they seem to not wanting to go further, or they simply have their headphones on and don't want to be disturbed.
• Sport: I've taking tennis classes for a few years in my neighbourhood, I know all my classmates, but none of them seem to be interested in anything more than that. Managed to play with one person outside of class hours, reached out for coffee and such but never got a response back.
• Neighbours: I live in a big building, always say hello to everyone on the lift and smile, I know who the people on my floor are, but I just recognise them and don't know their names etc. I have spoken with a few of them when I moved here, but nothing happened after that. I've connected with another couple living in this building, but have seen them twice in all those years although I've invited them to hang out, drinks, coffee, movies etc.

• Colleagues: Have managed to keep contact with some former colleagues, but they live far, and they're not necessarily close friends (been trying for several years now), I see these people every now and then. Unfortunately I've been working from home since covid, and many of my colleagues were abroad. Despite this, I've managed to keep contact with whoever was in London and up for meeting.

• Friends of friends: I connected this way before the pandemic. Seems almost impossible now.

  • I met a person at a friend's wedding and came out they live very close to me. Reached out a few times, they're always busy and no time slot fits their schedule.
  • I spent a fantastic day with another person some time ago, went to brunch together and got to know each other. After loosing contact for a while, I reached out only to be ghosted.
  • My not-so-close friends simply keep their friends-bubble separate and don't want to mix the groups for some reason.

• Meet-ups: Been to many. Generally you see people once there and never see them again. Also in my experience people seem very self-absorbed and not interested in keeping in contact after that specific event. Included in this there's also networking events.

• Volunteering: I've reached out to my local volunteering center, been there a few times but it's not an environment where I can meet people my age or see the same people multiple times (other than the organiser who's double my age).

• Hobbies: (not an exhaustive list) I've been to tons of restaurants, cafes, pubs, parks, cinemas, many of which attended multiple times/ regularly. I've been to shows and concerts, mini golf venues, museums, etc and I've met people, but no one was willing to bring the conversation forward, be that continuing the conversation or exchanging contacts to continue another time. I've been visiting the surroundings of London and going into nature with a group of acquaintance, but they're interested only in the activity and not interacting outside of these events.

• House parties: I used to LOVE organising house parties and invite all random people I knew. I acted as a hub so other people could meet and mingle. I love to cook, so they were often dinner parties, or simply social gatherings. Since many people left London this has been harder and harder to do. Also, I was the only one doing this and the effort seemed one-way. I understand not everyone wants/can do these gatherings, however I was never invited even for a coffee from any of them.

• Community: I always strike a chat with people working at the local shops around my area, dry cleaner, supermarket cashier. They're not necessarily the friendliest people, and just want to do their job and not be disturbed by customers (me). Other times we've had that superficial chat and I see them again in a month for other 10 seconds of chat.

• Being a friend: In the past years I've put extra effort being a great friend to people already in my circle, but no one seemed interested in getting closer. I've also tried befriending strangers (within limits of creepiness): at every level of interaction (continuing a conversation, contact exchange, request to interact with each other slightly more frequently) I've hit a wall. I've tried to insist with some of them within acceptable boundaries, with no luck.

• Going solo: I've done many of the above mentioned things both with my partner, with a group of people, and often alone. Among other things I've done alone: pubs, bars, movies, walks, hikes, runs, parks, gym, coffee, restaurants, shopping, markets.

Considerations

1. I already know about the existence of r/LondonSocialClub and have checked it out already.
2. To have a good setup for a thriving and deep friendship, one must attend the same environment repeatedly, in order to see and hang out with the same people. Though this is the case for some of the things I've tried (unsuccessfully - team sports, gym, volunteering), it's simply unlikely to casually bump into an acquaintance in London and hang out.
3. London has a huge flux of people. It's also a young city: if you're too young you can't afford to live here, if you want a family you move outside, if you're old why tf you'd want to stay here. It's a generalisation of course, but though the city is transient, many people are between their 20-40 and they complain about this same issue.
4. I understand that most people in their 30s either already have their friendship groups, are laser focused on their careers and don't have time for much else, are very lonely and staying inside their 4 walls, or have a family and everything else is low-priority.
5. People in London, specifically post covid, are less inclined to social interactions. Maybe they're tired or are running low on social battery, or simply have lost a bit the skill to make friends.
6. I have some very deep friendships, however these friends are all scattered in different countries, and though I talk to them very often, I feel the need to hang out with people in my same city.
7. I don't buy the "Brits being culturally different" thing. People want to have the social connections and friends and inner groups, but they want to have it already there and not make new ones or go through the effort of forming new friendships. That's understandable, as making friends (specifically as an adult) is painful. Plus, many complain they feel lonely but can't be bothered to make the effort of changing things.

What am I missing here? I feel I am brute-forcing my social life, and though I still have some hope that things will change, I'm afraid my energy is going down. Not even sure what I'm looking for in this post, maybe inspiration? Maybe advise regarding what else I could try?

Internet, do your thing please 🙏🥲