Your expériences in MTL as gay men?

This is a question for my gay male friends in Montreal who are from somewhere else or have also lived someone else. Do you find that gay life is actually harder here?

My background: I have lived in Montreal for 15 years, with a few years in between spent in other countries in Latin America and Europe. I am fully bilingual, studied my bachelors and masters here, and I have built a beautiful professional and personal network over the years.

Since I arrived to Montreal, I noticed something was “off” in the gay male world. It took me three years to find a boyfriend (mind you, apps were only starting), and I found the gay life, while excessively available, impersonal and maybe even hostile.

I lived collectively four years abroad in different countries under different circumstances, and I felt that in other cities, I thrived. Dates, hook ups and relationships were easier to come by. Gay events actually led to meeting people, and guys seemed to be a lot more emotionally responsible and genuinely interested in meeting you. In Montreal, I have found it over the years harder and harder to enjoy my gay life. Yes, there is much choice, but it’s fleeting, superficial, and impersonal. Many gay spaces, including bars and house parties involve gay cliques in a corner and being looked at like you're insane if you smile and try to be friendly.

I think Montreal may be in the Barcelona - Berlin - Montreal trifecta of cities where the focus is drugs and parties combined with a “popularity” culture, hyper-individualism, a difficult geographical history and general economic depression. Could that be it? Many socio-economic factors that together make gay life this way?

What are your experiences? after surviving two rounds of corporate layoffs I found a great public sector job with a pension and I still plan to stay here for good. I don’t want to move further away especially as my parents age and I want to stay relatively close to them (I.e. a 5 hour flight vs. 10+ hours to Europe). However I'm getting severely depressed after a breakup and trying to navigate the single gay life again. I feel I'm back at the snake pit and that maybe I should seriously take a huge professional and financial risk and move elsewhere.

What are your thoughts on this? My therapist is specialized in gay men and their research focus on gay men in Montreal and has told me that I’m not imagining things - there IS something in the water here that makes being gay harder - ironically in such an otherwise open city. In my experience, there's palpably more ghosting/blocking/time-wasting and hostility within the gay scene here than in other cities.

Funny enough - most of my validation here comes from straight people. I have bounced from bad gay group to bad gay group but the straight people have been constantly welcoming and supportive! It’s more a “inter-group” issue I’m talking about.

Would love to hear your thoughts and experiences - ça va de soi que vos réponses en français sont 100% bienvenues et attendues aussi !

Edit: I'm very depressed at the moment so please keep things constructive and kind 🙏