Should i meet with her again?

I’m 14F, and my relationship with my mom is extremely complicated. She was somewhat supportive of my mental health from ages 10 to 13, but after I spiraled at 14, she completely gave up on me. She started talking about sending me to a mental hospital or a special school and even wanted to move out. My dad disagreed with her, which led to a lot of tension. In November 2024, we got into a physical fight, and she finally left, calling me a “monster child” and a “mistake.” She was later charged with child abuse for that incident, which made me realize that many of the things she did before—locking me in dark bathrooms, slapping me, sitting on me to the point of panic attacks—were also abuse. Because of this, I developed severe anxiety about my personal space, and even someone sitting too close can trigger me.

My mom had always been manipulative, but after the war in Ukraine started in 2020, she completely neglected our family (me, my dad, and my sister). She was diagnosed with depression, threw herself into work and friends, and even forgot to feed me and my sister sometimes. She had already shown signs of OCD before (compulsive writing and shopping) and had a history of anxiety since 2013 (I found her medical records), but after 2020, everything got worse. On top of that, she surrounded herself with friends who enabled her behavior, never holding her accountable and reinforcing her delusional, dramatic, and ignorant personality. She refuses to see reality for what it is and plays the victim in every situation, making it impossible to have a real conversation with her.

As for me, I stopped going to school entirely in May 2024 after my dad got into a motorbike accident. Even after he recovered, I refused to return, so I was put on fluoxetine for anxiety. It completely backfired, making me spiral even harder. I ended up trying to harm myself multiple times—overdosing on my prescribed pills, banging my head against walls, jumping from my bedroom window, and even attempting to cut my arm open.

Now, just recently, my mom found out I’m starting to go to school again, and suddenly, she wants back in. She’s talking about meeting up and doing family therapy, but I feel like she doesn’t deserve to be part of my life after abandoning me in my darkest moments. At the same time, I’m incredibly empathetic, so I worry that if I meet her, she’ll guilt-trip me. I’m torn between wanting to hear what she has to say and knowing that she hasn’t changed.

What should I do?