How kind strangers can be sometimes makes me realise how hard I grovelled for no reward/ unavailable people.

Of course not every encounter with strangers is good or likely to go well & I certainly know that, LOL! But wow. Just the tiniest amounts of kindness & respect, people smiling at me instead of scowling, not ignoring me on purpose or other forms of neglecting or abusing me... wow. Actually being rewarded, even just with kind words, feeling potentially confident instead of feeling like I have to walk on fucking eggshells.

Made me realise how little or absolutely nothing at all I had accepted as being "okay." I actually ended up exploding on a long time friend because although I hold empathy for them- I realised I have rapidly outgrown them. I had shackled myself to a sinking & honestly burnout inducing ship out of some sort of misguided "loyalty". They force themselves into terrible situations & trust me I know & empathise, but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink & I had enabled them & been a doormat/ shoulder to lean on for them for so long & I just straight up stood up to them tonight. It was most definitely fuelled by how kind strangers were & have been to me, safe people as well.

I literally got constantly overlooked or enabled people by constantly pleasing them & now I'm realising... wow. That is NOT on. I want better for myself. I actually WANT things. I'm tired of being the "strong" one that everyone can "rely" on. Aka they dump all their excess baggage on me while simultaneously telling me how to live MY life & also acting extremely opinionated & acting as if their opinion is fact & then they all feel better & i'm left holding the bag & feeling burnt out/ exhausted. No more.

I'm going to live my own damn life & by my own damn rule set. So thank you, actually thank you to everyone on here who has been so sensitive, mature & kind! I love & appreciate you all so much. You helped me realised there is so much better out there for me. I have hope. Good things are on their way!!! & I hope the same goes for everyone else!!!