Traumatised by flying monkey/ Emom???

Does anyone else grapple with this?

All my life my mum was the enabler for my Ndad but her E should stand for Enforcer. She was his thug. She'd do his bidding like she was his henchman. She didn't care about how I felt or what I thought or me having a difference of opinion or self- no. His rules & tyranny had to be enforced. He constantly turned her against me & I'm realising now that a situation that is extremely similar that happened 3 years ago still plagues me because it's so familiar & it rips me apart on the inside. I constantly live in fear of the rabble or mob the person could be potentially forming because my dad & actually parents/ family did that my whole childhood. I was constantly alone because of this & being scapegoated & persecuted- similar things would happen at school. I now live in this 24/7 perpetual fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop & the flying monkeys to come & lecture me, humiliate me, degrade & embarrass me. It feels like that's right around the corner & I assume because of being abandoned & the narc abuse that I can basically envision what will happen because it always happened in the same way. It's awful. I hate it.

People don't even care- they just take the N's side & choose to be flying monkeys either out of ignorance or actual malice. It makes me feel so depressed because no one will see my side of events & just shame me. It's not fair.